I Wrote This for You Read online

The Future Is The Past Waiting To Happen

  –

  Friday, August 13, 2010

  And though you may not be able to imagine what I was like, I did live. More importantly, I loved.

  The Perfect Kiss

  –

  Friday, October 16, 2009

  Which is when the world stopped turning.

  Which is when the birds fell silent.

  Which is when the clouds all breathed in at the same time.

  Which is when lies became truth.

  Which is when pain became love.

  Which is when fires burned blue.

  Which is when red flowers bloomed.

  Which is when snow fell.

  Which is when ice became water.

  Which is when the universe smiled.

  Which is when the sunshine and the moonlight met.

  Which is when gravity gave up the ghost.

  Which is when the air became thick.

  Which is when people screamed at the edges of cliffs.

  Which is when every guitar in the world strummed the same three chords over and over.

  Which is when the dead rolled over and wished to live again.

  Which is when the song turned itself up.

  Which is when aliens on other worlds looked up into the heavens and gasped.

  Which is when hurricanes and storms and floods swept through us.

  Which is when tears fell from willows at the beauty of it all.

  Which is when riots and madness chased themselves through the streets.

  Which is when millions of glasses committed suicide, throwing themselves from kitchen cupboards.

  Which is when angels were filled with envy.

  Which is when vampires threw back their heads and howled.

  Which is when skin crawled.

  Which is when we were watching TV on a couch.

  Which is when you were in my arms and my tongue was in your mouth.

  The Bibliography Of Strings

  –

  Monday, August 10, 2009

  And you taught me what this feels like.

  And then how it feels to lose it.

  And you showed me who I wanted.

  And then who I wasn’t.

  And you ticked every box.

  And then drew a line.

  And you weren’t mine to begin with.

  And then not to end with.

  And you looked like everything I wanted.

  And then became something I hated.

  And you get thought of every day.

  And then not in a good way.

  And you let me leave.

  And then wish I’d stayed.

  And you almost killed me.

  But I didn’t die.

  The Peace And The Star

  –

  Wednesday, October 21, 2009

  You think bravery is to fight and courage is to die. But the bravest ones stand in front of those who would die and say,

  “We will not fight. Because courage is to live.”

  The Forgotten Star

  –

  Wednesday, February 17, 2010

  You keep telling me to be glad for what we had while we had it. That the brightest flame burns quickest.

  Which means you saw us as a candle. And I saw us as the sun.

  The Strangest Books

  –

  Friday, May 6, 2011

  You’ve written my story backwards. You’ve taken my chapter out of your book. Now I’m just a prologue. A dedication.

  “For you.”

  The Glassy Reflection

  –

  Monday, November 3, 2014

  If I’m loud, it’s because I’m above the wave and if you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m under it. And I never want you to worry because the nature of a wave, is to pass.

  The Limited Opportunity

  –

  Monday, August 13, 2012

  There are only so many of us born at a time and we are thrown into the world to find each other, to find the other ones who don’t think you’re strange, who understand your jokes, your smile, the way you talk.

  There are only so many of us born at a time and we only have so long to find each other before we die.

  But we have to try.

  The 10000 Ton Grave

  –

  Monday, March 20, 2017

  “What I’m saying is I don’t want you hurting somewhere when you least expect it. I don’t want you ordering coffee and waiting and suddenly feeling sad and lonely out of nowhere. That’s why I’m saying we should bury them deep, these people that we were and the things that we had, and far away from each other. I don’t want them finding each other again, in the ground beneath us. I don’t want you to hurt again and I don’t want to hurt either and as near as I can tell, that’s all we can do for each other.”

  The Wishing Well In The Sky (Letters To Father Time)

  –

  Friday, March 26, 2010

  All I ask is that you let me spend forever feeling this way, before you take me.

  The Fight Eternal

  –

  Tuesday, May 3, 2016

  You would destroy us, for something as useless as being right.

  The Metal Starts To Twist

  –

  Wednesday, April 8, 2009

  I’m lost and looking for the sky, for moving parts and a place that doesn’t rust. For wheels that burn and a world that turns. For a road that phantom cars still drive down while lovers long lost feel wind that’s blown too long in silver hair.

  You are the only map I know.

  The Echoes In My Skull

  –

  Wednesday, October 19, 2016

  After everything, you will discover that loneliness is just not finding yourself, because there’s no one around to find yourself in.

  (You will discover: we need someone else to see us, to be able to see ourselves.)

  The Mirror Hurts

  –

  Thursday, July 15, 2010

  I never heard what you said, just what you meant:

  I hate you.

  I love you.

  I don’t love you anymore.

  The More Than Three

  –

  Thursday, December 18, 2008

  Wish you were here.

  Wish I was there.

  Wish it was different.

  Wish wishes came true.

  I’d wish you back.

  The Clearest Lens

  –

  Thursday, June 14, 2012

  And may you never wish that life would pass with background music in a black and white montage. And may you lust and hunger for every awkward second of real life, in all its un-retouched glory.

  The Town At The Time

  –

  Monday, February 9, 2009

  Between you and me, this is where we buried the people we once were, and the people we could’ve been.

  The Day You Read This

  –

  Friday, September 26, 2008

  On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn’t make any of it any less real.

  That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones.

  That being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.

  That you control that completely.

  That the people who make you l
augh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

  That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music.

  That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you’ll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends.

  That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that’s why it’s worth living.

  That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn’t always work the other way around.

  That the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.

  And so are you.

  The Waves Put You To Sleep

  –

  Friday, June 29, 2012

  I love you like I love the sea. And I’m ok with drowning.

  The Ebb And Flow

  –

  Tuesday, September 7, 2010

  I know I’m only borrowing it. I know I have to give Summer back to you. Just as you have to give Winter, back to me.

  The Anchor

  –

  Tuesday, September 25, 2007

  Hold the peace inside yourself. Do not let it depend on other people, the day you’re having, the work you have to do or any of the other flotsam and jetsam of life. Let it depend on you and the choice you make to feel it.

  The Words That Leave On Last Breaths

  –

  Monday, February 24, 2014

  Sometimes I wonder if you’ve only got a certain number of words and sentences in your head and if you use them all up, you get quiet.

  Maybe that’s why the young have so much to say, while the old hold what little words they have left so close and so tightly in their hearts.

  The Simple Shattering Of Water

  –

  Friday, July 30, 2010

  It’s because both of you were made of the same pieces. And afterwards, when you put yourself back together, some piece of them remained.

  The Objection Your Honour

  –

  Friday, April 25, 2014

  Just then, right in the middle of the brilliant monologue your defence attorney is delivering about all the things you’ve done and all the people who love you, the prosecution slides a note over to you, “Don’t ever forget, everybody hates you.”

  You add it to the pile of notes he’s already given you, which read:

  “No one will ever understand you in the way that you desperately want them to understand you.”

  “You will watch all your favourite musicians kill themselves and all your movie stars will grow old.”

  “Everything you’ve ever made has been trite and cliche and horrible. In fact anyone who’s ever said they’ve liked anything of yours has done so out of pity.”

  “One day you and someone you love will find yourself in a room and one of you will be dead and the other will wish they were.”

  All of which he will later enter as Exhibit B in the long, drawn out court case to convict you of being simply pathetic and sad and useless at everything, really.

  And yet your defence attorney carries on. And you know that sometimes, he’s fighting for your life.

  The Map Of Imperfections

  –

  Saturday, October 18, 2014

  I am a record of things I was born with.

  These scars are my documentation of the mistakes I’ve made in trying to overcome them.

  I am both the things I’ve done to myself and the things done to me.

  Along these nerve endings, you will find a history of me.

  The Sea Reclaims The Land

  –

  Monday, September 13, 2010

  I know you’re just a rag doll now, sewn together with memories that we might have had.

  I know you’re just the dream inside of a dream.

  And don’t worry, I know I don’t know you, anymore.

  The Hands Upon You

  –

  Sunday, April 5, 2009

  Small people only want one thing from you:

  Someone else to be as small as they are.

  Stay big.

  The Tick-Tock In Your Chest

  –

  Wednesday, February 24, 2010

  I will hold you so tightly and carefully when I see you again. Like crystal. Or an atom bomb.

  The Return To Green

  –

  Friday, August 21, 2009

  Oh shut up. Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you hurt, you heal. After darkness, there is always light and you get reminded of this every morning but still you choose to believe that the night will last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Not the good or the bad. So you might as well smile while you’re here.

  The Way It Rains Down Windows

  –

  Sunday, March 1, 2009

  And there are thousands in the crowd outside every day. And everyone’s there. And they love me. And I don’t care. Because they’re not you.

  The Grim Alternatives

  –

  Wednesday, April 15, 2009

  I love no one but you, I have discovered, but you are far away and I am here alone. Then this is my life and maybe, however unlikely, I’ll find my way back there. Or maybe, one day, I’ll settle for second best. And on that same day, hell will freeze over, the sun will burn out and the stars will fall from the sky.

  The Away Team

  –

  Tuesday, May 24, 2016

  The Tired Advice

  –

  Tuesday, November 11, 2008

  But love is none of these things. It won’t suddenly make every day ok. It won’t change who you are. It won’t make your car go faster. It doesn’t even wash your dishes.

  All love is, is love. And that’s all it needs to be, really.

  The Middle Of The Universe

  –

  Wednesday, April 25, 2012

  I understand that you care. I just sometimes feel that the people who know me best, are people I’ve never met.

  The Monsters Are My Friends

  –

  Thursday, July 2, 2015

  I want someone to lean across one day and say, don’t you hate it when everything’s really beautiful and it hurts at the same time, so I can say, yes, I hate it. Then me and them belong to a club, and we are never, ever alone again.

  There are clubs, everywhere, that I don’t belong to.

  The Fine Art Of Longing

  –

  Wednesday, May 13, 2009

  I was so busy missing you, I missed someone else standing right in front of me. Now I’m missing them instead.

  The Dead Sunwheels

  –

  Thursday, February 5, 2009

  You’ll be as shocked as I was to discover that their last words weren’t,

  “Did everybody like me? Did I like the right music? Were enough people attracted to me? How did people feel about my decisions? You don’t think I upset anyone do you?”

  The Final Exam

  –

  Tuesday, January 24, 2012

  a) Rain is the sound of the night rolling over in its sleep.

  b) Rain is a record of broken promises and each one is sent back to Earth to clean it.

  c) Rain is life by a 1000 cuts.

/>   d) Rain is a coronary anesthetic.

  e) Rain is the world secretly crying for you, when no one else will.

  The Place Where You Get Off

  –

  Monday, February 8, 2010

  Outside the station, she stands with her child on the side of the street, taking pictures of cars.

  You think she’s insane. Until, one day, you notice that she’s taking pictures of the license plates of the cars her child gets into.

  Because you look. But you do not see.

  And she walks out of the shop with bags full of cat food. You think she’s some crazy cat lady until you find out, she has no cats.

  Because you eat. But you do not taste.

  It’s been a while since their last album but he assures you, he’s doing just fine these days, white flecks in his nostrils. Then he asks you if he can spend the night on your couch, even though it stinks.

  Because you sniff. But you do not smell.

  And they say, “Just OK,” when you ask them how school was. Then you wonder what they’re hiding until you find their diary and the last entry reads, “I wish you’d give me some privacy.”

  Because you listen. But you do not hear.

  And they’ve got a bruise over their eye and you run the tips of your fingers over it and ask them how it happened. You believe them. Until it happens again.